Paul the Pervert

Description from original post (created 2012-04-04 08:20):

Paul Fahrtson is 23 years old and lives with his mother, Brunhilde, in the little German town called Tuntenhausen.

He is unemployed, fat, lazy and doesn't move much (unless you count the movement of his thumbs and eyes when he gets his Xbox out).

He is an only child, since his parents despaired when they realized what a disappointment Paul was.

Although his father is enraged because of his son being a waste of space, he can't do much about it, since he's locked in an insane asylum.
Some say Paul is a bastard child of Brunhilde and the town drunk, Jürgen, while others claim he was fertilized via sperm bank.

He is (obviously) a virgin, since he hasn't yet met a girl drunk (or high) enough to be attracted by him.
Some of his hobbies include birdwatching (from his window), eating (he does it so often it can be considered a hobby), playing WoW and stalking Brad Pitt. But nobody knows his big secret... At night he manages to slender over to his closet and get his custom-made bush costume. Then he quietly sneaks out and lazily crawls around the village until he finds a house with an illuminated bedroom... Then he halts just outside the window... And observes poor unsuspecting girls through his dark green binoculars... What a freak...

Help him correct his ways and finally get a freakin' job! Just give him some diamonds! :D